


The Ferret and the Weasel

by Phoenix_Soar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blaise Zabini is So Done, Crack Treated Seriously, Draco Malfoy Being an Asshole, F/M, Female Harry Potter, Gen, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Ron Weasley Being Traumatized, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-18 01:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7293553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Soar/pseuds/Phoenix_Soar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco Malfoy will do anything to win over Hariah "Harry" Potter's heart, even if it means having to "befriend" Ron Weasley first. Too bad his new attitude and attempts to get close to Ron keep giving the red-head constant heart attacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Madness Begins

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I began writing forever ago. I posted the first chapter on FFN in 2011, but then life happened and it - along with all my other works on that site - were put on hiatus. I'm finally getting back to this fic after five years and figured I might as well give it another home here ^_^
> 
> Note: Though the official relationship is Draco/Harry, this story mostly revolves around how Draco scares the shit out of Ron. XD  
> Also, the reason Harry is a female here is because when I first began writing this, I was already involved in writing a huge Draco/fem!Harry multi-chapter on FFN and I was too in love with fem!Harry then. Still am tbh

If there was one thing Draco Malfoy knew for sure about Blaise Zabini, it was that he was smart. Wise and intellectual, Blaise also had a treasure that many buffoons of late did not have: common sense. Thus, never had Draco even imagined that there would come a day when he would regard his Slytherin friend as stupid.  
  
Until today, that is.  
  
‘Zabini ... go to Madam Pomfrey. Now.’  
  
‘Why?’  
  
‘Because you have just lost your marbles.’  
  
Blaise lowered the Arithmancy textbook he had been perusing. ‘Pardon?’ he said politely, raising his eyebrows. ‘What makes you say that, Draco?’  
  
‘What you just said a minute ago!’ exploded Draco. ‘Those were the stupidest words that have ever escaped your mouth! What in the world has gone wrong in your head?!’  
  
‘Was what I said wrong?’  
  
‘If you must ask me that, then you definitely need to be thrown into St Mungo’s right now!’  
  
What had led to this argument was The Rant on Draco’s part that had recently become a common topic between the two Slytherins. Or more accurately, a common topic only for Draco as, until today, Blaise had never bothered to contribute his opinion, choosing instead to listen (or at least pretend to; he had heard his best friend bluster on about _that_ so many times, he could almost recite The Rant by heart). It usually went something like this:  
  
_She-ignored-me-again-Blaise-again-can-you-believe-that-and-I-was-actually-trying-to-be-civil-I-even-told-her-that-her-hair-looked-nice-today-_  
  
Personally, Blaise doubted that telling a girl, ‘Well, well, your hair actually managed to look less like it was struck by lightning today. Did you change your shampoo?’ easily translated into ‘Your hair looks nice’. But, since this was _Draco Malfoy_ he was talking about – not to mention _who_ the girl was – Blaise supposed that was the best he could expect.  
  
_-but-she-thought-I-was-mocking-her-what-the-hell-I-paid-her-a-compliment-and-she-thought-I-was-mocking-her-can-you-believe-that-Blaise-_  
  
Yes, Blaise _could_ believe that, actually. Not that he had ever admitted that out loud, of course.  
  
_-then-the-weasel-told-me-to-shove-off-and-she-actually-stormed-away-with-him-just-because-I-asked-if-that-was-the-best-insult-his-mother-had-ever-taught-him-_  
  
Honestly, with Draco taking every opportunity to insult her best friend, why _wouldn't_ she? Blaise would wonder to himself.  
  
And so The Rant would go on and on with Draco getting more and more worked up over the fact that Hariah ‘Harry’ Potter point-blank refused to fall to his charms – if it could be called that – because, of all the hundreds of girls that attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it was his arch enemy the Malfoy heir had inexplicably chosen as the object of his affections. Normally, Blaise would not have cared, but since _he_ was the one that was being made to suffer through Draco’s Rant which could go on for incredible periods of time – the record was three hours, forty-six minutes and five seconds – he _did_ greatly care about Draco succeeding, if only for the sake of retaining what little remained of both their sanities.   
  
Thus, Blaise had brainstormed potential ideas that could get Miss Chosen One to at least consider the possibility of Draco Malfoy playing a significant role in her love life (or lack thereof; had there _ever_ been a rumour of that girl being involved with anyone before??). He had finally come up with one proposal that he thought had a reasonably high chance of getting Potter to change her mind about Draco:  
  
‘Why don’t you try to get along with one of her friends first? If she sees you’re sincere in your attempts to get close to her, she might give you a chance.’  
  
To Blaise, that made perfect sense. From what he had gathered so far, Hariah Potter either was not taking Draco’s wooing seriously or was mistaking his advances as displays of scorn and sarcasm – and really, who could blame her? Draco, with his very Slytherin-Malfoy-esque courting techniques, was unwittingly ensuring that he was failing at his own game in every way possible.  
  
However, if Draco put off straightforward romance and instead focussed on proving to Potter that he genuinely wanted to get along with her, then she would have to take him seriously. And what better way to make that point than by showing he could be nice to her friends?  
  
It was genius, as far as Blaise was concerned. But for Draco ... well, the St Mungo’s comment more than explained what he thought of the idea.  
  
‘Think about it, Draco,’ Blaise said reasonably, resting his textbook on his lap. ‘If she were to see you –’  
  
Draco cut across him, making a sharp gesture with his arm, ‘You’re telling me to befriend _Granger and Weasley_?’  
  
‘...yes,’ Blaise said slowly.  
  
‘Because _that_ will make her think I’m not so bad a person?’  
  
‘Well ... yes, that is the general idea.’  
  
There was a promising moment of lingering silence in which the two Slytherins took a long, calculating look at each other. Blaise held his breath, hopeful. And then,  
  
‘You ... are bat-shit insane.’  
  
With that, Draco stormed out of the seventh year boys’ dormitory, almost slamming the door shut in Theodore Nott’s face as he made to come in.  
  
_Really, such a drama queen_ , Blaise mused.  
  
Theodore looked round at the retreating back of the blond, alarmed. ‘What in the world’s gotten into him?’ He looked apprehensively at Blaise. ‘Should we fear for our lives?’  
  
Blaise smiled demurely as he leaned back into his pillow and raised the Arithmancy book again. ‘Not to worry. He’ll come around.’  
  
Of course he would. He always did.  
  
Eventually.

* * *

Three days later, Draco Malfoy finally decided to stop ignoring his best friend and deigned to take a seat beside him in Potion’s class again. Blaise hid a smirk, though his eyes betrayed his self-satisfaction. He had been patiently waiting for this moment when Draco would drop his colossal pride and admit that the befriending-Potter’s-friends idea was his guaranteed ticket to the Gryffindor’s heart.  
  
Draco waited for Professor Slughorn to begin his Potions’ drivel before starting off their conversation with a spectacular, ‘So...’  
  
Blaise waited patiently for his friend to elaborate. A long, uncomfortable silence followed.  
  
When the blond failed to say anything else, Blaise prompted, ‘So ... I take it you’re ready to give my idea a chance?’  
  
All he received in answer was a barely audible grunt. The brunet smirked, pleased.  
  
A good portion of the Potion’s class that followed was spent lecturing Draco that he could not simply act like he was trying to be civil to Potter’s friends. He had to _mean_ it. This brought on a hushed outburst from Draco, who was scandalised at the thought of being “actual chums with those losers”, but when Blaise pointed out that interaction with those “losers” would be inevitable if Draco did succeed in winning Potter’s heart, the blond acquiesced albeit grudgingly.  
  
‘Besides, you don’t have to be _chums_ with them,’ Blaise added dryly. ‘Maintaining a sincere, civil tongue is what counts.’  
  
‘Fine, fine, be civil, I got it,’ snapped Draco under his breath.  
  
Blaise waited a few seconds before adding, hiding a smile, ‘But of course, that is the _least_ you could do. If you want to make a bigger impression on Potter, you might want to try being _nice_ to her friends.’  
  
Draco shot him a glare that could have instantly frozen water. ‘Potter will just have to satisfy herself with civility only,’ he growled. ‘That’s all I’m offering.’  
  
The other Slytherin sighed. Well, it was better than nothing.  
  
‘And I’m not about to handle both of them at once,’ Draco continued obstinately. ‘It’s either Granger or Weasley. Take it or leave it.’  
  
Blaise was highly tempted to point out that _taking it or leaving it_ would not have any effect on _him_ , but restrained himself. Really, but Draco Malfoy could take a tedious toll on anyone’s nerves.  
  
‘So, which is it?’ The blond paused to consider his choice which, honestly, wasn’t much of a choice at all. He disliked Potter’s two sidekicks almost equally. Switching to the Light side had not done much to increase his tolerance of either of them (maybe except to stop calling Granger a mudblood and Weasley a blood traitor. It was only the late Dark Lord that could make him be on the same side as _them_ ).  
  
‘Granger?’ Draco suggested at length, trying very hard to repress a grimace. It seemed a logical choice. Back in the day, Granger was the one he had insulted most to her face, what with the mudblood business and all. Surely, being civil to her would get Potter to reconsider her opinion of him?  
  
‘No,’ Blaise promptly crushed that suggestion underfoot.  
  
‘Why not?’ Draco demanded, taken aback.  
  
‘Because if you suddenly start getting close to Hermione Granger, then everyone will most likely think you feel something for her, and you don’t want Potter to misunderstand your intentions.’  
  
Draco could have gagged at the thought. Not because Granger was muggle-born – he had put that phase of his life behind him – but because it was, you know, _Granger_.  
  
‘Ron Weasley might be harder to befriend,’ Blaise continued matter-of-factly, ‘but I daresay he’s a safer bet.’  
  
‘... All right,’ Draco finally agreed. Be civil to the weasel. Not exactly the most appealing thought, but it would be better than people thinking he was head over heels about Granger. He’d rather have them think he was promoting friendship between Houses or something. And it would definitely get Potter’s attention. Hmm, worth a shot, definitely.  
  
‘Fine, I’ll do it,’ he declared in a stronger voice, just as the bell rang, signalling the end of class. He blinked. Huh, he had not even noticed the time fly by.  
  
As they packed their bags and began to head towards the crowded dungeon doors, Draco asked Blaise in an undertone, ‘But how on earth am I supposed to strike up a civility friendship with Weasley out of the blue? You don’t just walk up to someone and ask them to be your frie – _Oof_!’  
  
Draco bounced off someone tall, lanky and red-haired that had been in front of him, trying to get through the doors. His unzipped bag slid off his shoulder, spilling all the textbooks inside onto the ground.  
  
‘Hey, watch it –! Oh ... it’s you.’  
  
And Draco found himself face-to-face with the topic of his discussion, who was looking down at him with a poorly veiled frown on his freckled face. Behind him, he could spy Hariah Potter and Hermione Granger turning to look for their friend. The moment their eyes found Draco, their faces tensed.  
  
‘Watch where you’re going, Malfoy,’ Ron Weasley grunted, scowling as he bent to retrieve his books. Many of the students around them fell silent in anticipation, having sensed the tense atmosphere that had befallen the dungeon entrance.  
  
Draco automatically opened his mouth to make a cutting, smart-assed retort when Blaise deliberately bumped his shoulder against his from behind. He could almost hear the latter smirk as he breathed, just loud enough for Draco to hear,  
  
‘Looks like you _can_ just walk up to someone. Go on, then; take your chance.’  
  
The Malfoy heir turned his head. ‘What do you mean?’ He hissed.  
  
Smiling lazily, Blaise gestured with his eyes at the red-head that was kneeling amongst his books. ‘Classic situation.’  
  
_Wha – Ohh..._ It finally dawned on Draco what his friend meant and he promptly felt like killing himself. “Classic situation”? Oh, someone up there was having a lovely joke at his expense.  
  
_I hate you_ , Draco thought as, gathering every single ounce of his determination, he willed his knees to bend. As if on cue, there was a collective gasp from around them when Draco sat on his haunches and forced his arms to reach out to pick up the fallen books one by one. In his peripheral vision, he could see that Weasley had frozen, one arm still outstretched; it looked almost comical.  
  
All this was for Hariah Potter, Draco reminded himself. It was for Potter and he would _mean_ it, like Blaise said, and he would see it all the way through and, goddammit, he would do it _properly_! With that indomitable thought, he raised his eyes to meet Weasley’s gaze.  
  
To say that the Gryffindor looked like the human equivalent of a beached salmon would be quite the understatement. Weasley’s jaw had more or less hit the ground and only a few tendons were holding his bulging eyes back in their sockets. Draco felt a strong urge to laugh and his earlier tenseness dissipated.  
  
Unable to suppress an amused smirk at this live comedy show, he held out the books to the petrified red-head. ‘Here you go, Weasley.’  
  
There was another collective gasp – honestly, what kind of uncanny audience could be that much in synch? – and Weasley’s mouth fell open several inches more, if that was even possible. Draco had the distinct feeling that he had quite nicely killed off a sizeable chunk of the Gryffindor’s brain.  
  
Looking past him, his eyes sought Hariah Potter. She and Granger both looked more or less as thunderstruck as their male sidekick. Potter was staring at him, eyes wide and filled with blatant disbelief and shock. Though not quite as comical as Weasley’s expression, it was far more fulfilling and Draco had to fight down the urge to grin.  
  
‘Your books, Weasley,’ he said, tipping them into the bag and shoving it into the other’s arms. And then, deciding that he might as well as take it to the next level, added, ‘So sorry about that. Won’t happen again.’  
  
If there was an award for most outstanding show of expression, Ron Weasley would have bagged the gold, hands down.  
  
‘Ma – Malfoy?’ stuttered the Gryffindor, gaping up at him as Draco rose to his feet. The blond had to choke down another bout of laughter. It was like the weasel was trying to make sure Draco was not an alien or something.  
  
‘Yes?’ he drawled smoothly, one corner of his lips curling up.  
  
There was not a single word the Weasley could say. He continued to gawk, dumbstruck. And then, so high-pitched that Draco’s ears almost missed it: ‘ _Eep_ ...’  
  
Draco decided right then and there that he would enjoy this. If Blaise’ idea yielded such hilarious results, then “befriending” Ron Weasley would be just so worth it.  
  
‘Yes, well, if you have nothing else to say, please excuse me,’ he said lightly and stepped around the Gryffindor, closely followed by an amused Blaise. The other students, still in shocked silence, parted to let him through, including Potter whose eyebrows had yet to descend. Draco shot her a satisfied smirk as he passed her.  
  
The next thought struck him like a bolt of lightning. An impish leer unfolded on his face and he paused at the top of the stairs.  
  
‘Oh and by the way, you’re very welcome ... _Ron_.’  
  
The subsequent _CRASH_ told him that Weasley had dropped his book bag again.  
  
Draco grinned as he sauntered away. _So worth it_.

* * *

No sooner than Draco and Blaise had seated themselves at the Slytherin table for lunch afterwards did the former dive almost headlong into his bag and dug out his timetable. Blaise, who had been waiting for the opportunity to grill his best friend about the Weasley incident, shut his mouth and watched in puzzlement as Draco ran a finger down that day’s column.  
  
‘Charms in the afternoon. With the Gryffindors. Brilliant!’ exclaimed the blond triumphantly.  
  
It took exactly two seconds for Blaise to comprehend what the other was alluding to. His eyebrows disappeared beneath his fringe and his jaw almost – almost – fell open.  
  
‘Draco,’ he hissed, failing to hide his wonder. Despite the comical (and quite surprising) interaction between his friend and Weasley less than ten minutes ago, it was just impossible that Draco could suddenly be _this_ enthusiastic about the whole let’s-be-friends situation. ‘Drake, you cannot be serious!’  
  
Apparently, he was.  
  
When it was time for Charms, the last period of the day, Draco was out of the Ancient Runes class he shared with Blaise before the last peal of the bell had faded. The latter had to run to keep up, his incredulity building up with every step he took.  
  
Blaise finally caught up with him at the door to Flitwick’s classroom, but he might have been a mere fly on the wall for all the attention that Draco paid him. Without so much as a glance or a word, he strode right past the breathless brunet.  
  
‘What are you –’ Blaise began indignantly, now thoroughly annoyed, but stopped short at the sight his eyes beheld.  
  
Draco had marched straight into the Gryffindors’ midst, roughly shouldering his way through the students. Many turned around, scowling, but their irritation promptly turned into utter shock and bewilderment when the Slytherin elbowed a startled Hermione Granger out of the way and plopped himself down at the table right next to a certain freckle-faced red-head. There were no words in Blaise’ extensive vocabulary to describe the expression that graced Ron Weasley’s face at this unwelcome and abrupt change in seating arrangement. Nor could he identify the particular shade of burning puce that accompanied said indescribable expression, but it certainly was a highlight of the memorable Charms class that would ensue.  
  
_Honestly, Draco_ , mused Blaised to himself, unable to conceal a grin. The bug-eyed, slack-jawed reactions of everyone else were really quite a bonus. _Are you really that desperate to win Hariah Potter’s favour?_  
  
Speaking of whom...  
  
Blaise glanced at the seats surrounding Draco and Weasley. He immediately spotted the Chosen One; she had taken a seat two rows behind her red-haired best friend and was eyeing the back of Draco’s head with undisguised suspicion. Her lips were curled in a frown and her hands were tensed, but Blaise could spot the spark of curiosity in her green eyes.  
  
The impulse came out of nowhere. Without a second thought, the Slytherin made a beeline for the vacant chair directly beside the Girl-Who-Lived.  
  
Potter did not even notice, so absorbed was she in the spectacle in front of her. However, his sudden arrival did not go unobserved. Granger, who had finally picked her jaw off the ground, had been moving towards Potter’s side; she stopped short when, once again, she found her intended seat occupied by yet another Slytherin.  
  
‘Oh, my apologies,’ Blaise began lightly, half rising out of his chair. ‘Were you going to –?’  
  
Before he could finish his offer, Granger gave him one look of mortified bewilderment and then turned around and sat down beside Neville Longbottom. Her hunched shoulders gave Blaise the impression that the poor girl was dumbfounded beyond belief and, honestly, he felt a little sorry for her who had lost both her best friends to snakes, so as to speak.  
  
There was no time to dwell on that, however, for Hariah Potter had become aware that Weasley was not the only Gryffindor with a Slytherin by his side. She stared at Blaise in confusion and he returned it with an easy smile.  
  
‘Seeing as both our best friends are taken at the moment...’ He drawled in explanation.  
  
Potter said nothing in reply, but he could see that his presence had increased her perplexity by several notches. Narrow-eyed, she returned her gaze to Weasley.  
  
Professor Flitwick bounced into the classroom then, bringing the astounded students back to their senses and they scrambled to get in their seats. While their Charms teacher marked their attendance, oblivious to the strange atmosphere that had befallen his classroom, Blaise keenly watched Draco.  
  
The blond was completely relaxed, leaning back in his chair with his right ankle on his other knee. His head was slightly tilted and Blaise could tell he was eyeing the Gryffindor on his right. He could imagine the smirk his friend was, no doubt, wearing. Beside him, Ron Weasley was stiffer than an iron rod. He had turned his face away from the Malfoy heir to the point where he was in danger of getting a crick in his neck and Blaise could clearly see that right then, his ear had achieved that remarkable feat of being redder than his hair. The mere sight of them sitting together so ridiculously was just pure gold.  
  
Next to Blaise, Potter seemed as tense as the Weasley. Not once had she taken her eyes off the duo and she was completely ignoring her own Slytherin leech.  
  
Blaise had begun to wonder if Draco was just going to silently sit beside Weasley for the remainder of the period, when Professor Flitwick announced they were going to practice the Mood-Maker Charm in pairs. Before the words, ‘Choose your partner’ had even left his mouth, Draco proceeded to drag his chair very loudly across the tiny stretch of floor between him and Weasley until their chairs were pushed against each other. Blaise did not have to look to know the reactions of the rest of the class, including Flitwick.  
  
‘Done,’ Draco drawled with a pleased smirk and settled back in his seat. He did not seem at all bothered by the fact that he and Weasley were now sitting so close together that there was not even a hair’s breadth of space between their shoulders. The redhead, on the other hand, was not as willing to rub shoulders with his former sworn enemy. He grabbed the sides of his chair and made to scoot away from the snake invading his personal space, but Draco jauntily slung an arm around the back of the chair, putting a stop to that. Weasley looked ready to bolt, but before either of them could act, Professor Flitwick spoke up.  
  
‘Er ... well, then ... yes. That’s good.’ Having noticed the unlikely duo for the first time, he seemed just as amazed as the rest, though considerably more coherent. ‘Yes, yes ... good ... very good, indeed. Mr Malfoy and Mr Weasley then. The rest of you, please pair up quickly as well.’  
  
Not sure whether Hariah Potter would accept him as a partner or not, Blaise turned to face her, but the girl beat him to the punch.  
  
‘What the heck is Malfoy up to?’ she hissed. Before Blaise could comprehend her words, she ploughed on, ‘What does he want with Ron?’  
  
Blaise hesitated for a fraction of a second. ‘I don’t know exactly.’  
  
Fiery green eyes glared at him, undeceived. ‘So much for you being his _best friend_.’ Her demeaning sarcasm was impossible to miss.  
  
‘Well, perhaps,’ began the brunet carefully, figuring that he might as well throw in his two sickles to aid his friend, ‘... Draco is merely ... making an attempt to be nice your friend?’  
  
The look in her eyes more than conveyed exactly what she thought of _that_ idea. Nevertheless, when he politely asked, she half-heartedly agreed to be his partner, though not without another suspicious frown.  
  
Blaise would later claim that the lesson that followed was completely pointless, not because mastering the ability to manipulate a person’s emotions was uninteresting – or amusing, rather – but because people were far more focussed on the Malfoy-Weasley pair rather than their own partners. Not that Blaise could blame them; Draco had taken it upon himself to make quite a spectacle out of himself and the unfortunate Weasley.  
  
‘So, are you enjoying yourself?’ The blond asked, not at all keeping his voice low, as he made a flourishing movement with his wand and aimed it at his partner. At once, Weasley’s face split into a blinding grin and he began to roar with laughter. Slumping forward onto his desk, he thumped the wooden surface with his fists, still guffawing under the influence of Draco’s spell.  
  
‘Yes, I agree. This lesson is really entertaining,’ Draco drawled with a snigger and lowered his wand.  
  
As soon as the Mood-Maker Charm was lifted, Weasley sat bolt upright in his seat. Not a trace of humour remained on his face. Snatching up his wand, he made a sharp slashing movement at his Slytherin tormentor. The non-verbal charm’s effect was instantaneous: screwing up his face, Draco began to wail loudly, mouth wide open in perfect impersonation of a baby while fat tears dripped down his cheeks.  
  
‘Hah!’ Weasley smirked, victorious in his revenge.  
  
‘All right, all right, that’s enough, now,’ squeaked Professor Flitwick when the fierce Gryffindor showed no signs of lifting his variant of the Mood-Maker Charm. With the utmost reluctance, Weasley removed the spell.  
  
Professor Flitwick climbed up on his usual stack of books behind his desk and raised his voice, so as to be heard above the excited muttering and laughter that had erupted all over the classroom, ‘Remember what we discussed last week! The Mood-Maker Charm is a more complex derivative of the simple Cheering Charm; with it you can manipulate the subject’s emotions to an extensive degree. That is why it is important to use it with caution. If you overdo it, it may cause certain side effects...’  
  
‘Like that?’ interrupted Weasley, staring at his partner.  
  
Blaise had to bite his lip to suppress the bout of hysterics that welled up within him. Draco was no longer bawling his eyes out, but his current state was no better.  
  
Wiping at his wet eyes with the back of his hand, he pouted adorably with trembling lips at the Weasley and whimpered in a voice that foretold more tears to come, ‘Wh-why ... why ... why would you – you do that, Ron? I – I was ... hurt so bad ...’ Draco sniffled and another tear slid down his cheek. With a choked sob, he wiped at his eyes again. ‘You ... you broke my heart!’  
  
There was dead silence in the room for a full ten seconds, save for the sound of Draco sniffling. Then,  
  
‘Yes, like that,’ sighed Professor Flitwick in a rather resigned voice. ‘Overly strong Mood-Maker Charms tend to linger after you’ve lifted them. Well, just leave him be. He’ll come around in a few minutes.’  
  
Draco shed a few more tears and pouted more than ever, occasionally hiccupping. With a disgusted grunt, Weasley began to edge away from him.  
  
‘NO! DON’T – _hic!_ –!’ Draco almost threw himself on top of the Gryffindor as he desperately latched onto his arm. With child-like determination, he buried his face in the horrified redhead’s shoulder. ‘Don’t you – _hic!_ – ever – _hic!_ – break my – _hic!_ – heart again!’  
  
The classroom exploded with the roars of their laughter. Blaise buried his face in a hand, unable to hold back anymore. Beside him, Potter seemed torn.  
  
‘You’ve got to be joking,’ he heard her mutter incredulously, yet a small snort escaped.  
  
‘Do loosen up,’ Blaise wanted to tell her, but the moment he raised his head, he caught a glimpse of Ron Weasley’s face and inexorably dissolved into laughter again.  
  
The rest of the lesson passed with Draco pigheadedly clinging onto Weasley with a dead man’s grip. Only during the last five minutes of the lesson did the side effects wear off and the Slytherin, coming to his senses and overcome with humiliation, quickly relieved his partner, who immediately scooted his chair as far away from the blond as possible without actually clambering into Dean Thomas’ lap in the next aisle. This sight evoked another round of guffawing laughter from the students, who had accomplished little charm practice despite Professor Flitwick’s wheedling. Even Blaise had not been able to get any charm work done since Potter, despite having agreed to be his partner, had been far too busy suspecting Draco Malfoy of malicious intent with regards to her best friend.  
  
As they finally packed up and got ready to leave, Blaise saw Draco shoot a reproachful look at the Weasley. No doubt, he was unhappy about the Mood-Maker Charm side effects the red head had wreaked on him. Nevertheless, Draco was determined to get the last word in, and as he and Blaise left the room together, he sought the Gryffindor trio over their shoulders and perkily yelled,  
  
‘That was _so_ fun! Let’s be partners again ... _Ron._ ’  
  
Satisfied with the expressions on the Gryffindors’ faces, especially Potter and Weasley’s, Draco strode off towards the Great Hall for dinner, followed by an amused Blaise wondering just what kind of catastrophe he had brought upon Hogwarts.


	2. A Flaw in the Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the chapter I wrote after five years~ whew. My writing style is probably a bit different from the first, considering how long it has been.

'What the bloody hell is wrong with Malfoy?'   
  
Following the mind-boggling incidents of that day's Charms class, that question had been their topic of conversation all throughout dinner and even later while doing - or attempting to do - homework in their favourite armchairs by the Gryffindor Common Room fire. Hermione had atypically already completed her work three days ago, but absorbed as she was in the mystery that was Draco Malfoy, even she did not nag Harry and Ron to focus on their Transfiguration essays as they came out with idea after idea as to why Malfoy had ... well, acted the way he had done.  
  
'Reckon he hit his head somewhere today?' Harry finally joked with a small chuckle as she dropped her quill on top of her empty parchment, giving up all pretence of getting any work done that night.   
  
Ron snorted and leaned back in his armchair. 'Mate, I've always thought he was dropped too many times on his head as a baby. One more bump would've made no difference.'  
  
They sniggered loudly while Hermione, lips twitching, nudged Ron's arm in disapproval.   
  
'I guess we can't know,' Hermione said with a smile that faded into a thoughtful frown. 'But I doubt he would've done that for no reason. It was too weird.'  
  
'Maybe he was bored?' suggested Ron hopefully, scratching his head. 'You-Kno - I mean, Voldemort's gone and all the excitement has died down since it's been nearly a year -'  
  
'And I like it that way,' interrupted Harry with a roll of her eyes.   
  
' - and even Malfoy and the other Slytherins who came back seem like they've adjusted back to normal life,' Ron continued without missing a beat. 'So maybe he thought it'd be fun to mess with my head -'  
  
'Because he was bored?' Hermione finished dryly. 'Bit ridiculous, don't you think?'  
  
'I'm just saying.' Ron raised his hands defensively. 'I mean, why else would he act all chummy?'  
  
That made Harry look up. 'About that ... you know that bloke Malfoy hangs around with now?'  
  
'Zabini?' said Hermione and Ron nodded.  
  
'Yeah, he was next to me in Charms and I asked what Malfoy was up to and ...' Harry paused, frowning. 'He said maybe Malfoy was trying to be nice?'  
  
There was silence for several seconds. Ron and Hermione were both sporting identical sceptical expressions.  
  
'Nice?' Hermione repeated doubtfully.  
  
'Malfoy?' Ron raised an eyebrow slowly. 'Being _nice_? To _me_?'  
  
Harry and Ron gazed at each other for a long moment. Then,  
  
'Nah.'  
  
'Nope. Bored, definitely.'  
  
Hermione just rolled her eyes.  
  
That was how the topic was finally closed and a nonverbal agreement reached that Malfoy's apparent madness had probably been restricted only to that day and normalcy would resume the next. They exchanged cheerful goodnights as they separated to the girls' and boys' dormitories for bed, and none of them brought up the topic of the Slytherin as they headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning.  
  
It was only after Harry had settled at the Gryffindor table across Ron and Hermione, and was reaching for a platter of toast that she caught sight of something that froze her in her seat. Her eyes widened, lips parting.  
  
Hermione was the first to notice her reaction. 'Harry? What is it?' she asked, turning round to look as well. Ron glanced up from his scrambled eggs and sausages.  
  
'Ron,' Harry breathed in a low voice, not looking away. 'I think ... Malfoy is a bit more bored than we thought.'  
  


* * *

  
Draco had the distinct feeling that Blaise was beginning to question the wisdom of his befriending-Potter's-friend plan when the latter stopped dead in their dormitory doorway, staring with raised eyebrows at Draco sitting cross-legged on his bed and pouring over his timetable.   
  
It was right after dinner and Draco's mind was already a whirlwind of half-formed ideas and what-ifs (and some lingering resentment towards Weasley's Mood-Maker Charm earlier that day with its mortifying side-effects - he still could not believe that he had _clung_ to Weasel Bee and _sobbed_ all over him and begged him _not to break his heart_ , sweet Merlin! - but that had not put Draco off the be-civil-to-Weasel train yet). He was looking forward to how else he could approach the Gryffindor tomorrow, but his face darkened as he scanned Tuesday's column.  
  
'I don't have any classes with Weasley and Potter tomorrow,' he complained, disappointment leaking into his tone. 'Arithmancy in the morning, though; Granger will be there, but what use is that? I have to wait until the day after - we have Transfiguration.'  
  
'You know, I'm beginning to worry,' Blaise commented as he shrugged out of his robes and flopped down onto Theodore Nott's empty four-poster next to Draco's.   
  
'No, we can make up for tomorrow. It's double Transfiguration _and_ Charms on Wednesday. Brilliant!'  
  
Blaise rolled his eyes. 'Not about you and your chances of wooing Hariah Potter, Draco. I'm worried about Weasley.'  
  
Draco looked up, eyebrow raised.  
  
'With your aggressive approaches? He might swoon. Literally.' Blaise looked like he was biting back a smile. 'Have some mercy on the poor fellow.'  
  
The blond snorted and returned to his timetable. 'He'd deserve it, what with that Mood-Maker he cast on me today. I was so humiliated.'  
  
'About as humiliated as _he_ was by the Mood-Maker you cast on him, I don't doubt,' his friend drawled.  
  
'Besides, the looks on his and Potter's faces are so worth it,' Draco continued as if he did not hear, enthusiasm rushing back into his voice. Falling back onto his pillow, he grinned across at Blaise.   
  
'It was fairly amusing,' Blaise conceded with a chuckle. 'Potter, in particular. She asked me during Charms whether you had, well ...' He snickered, '... any _malicious_ intentions towards her best friend.'  
  
Draco's grin fell. 'What?! I stuck by Weasley and was civil to him -'  
  
Blaise gave a much undignified snort.  
  
'- and even tried to make him laugh -'  
  
Blaise actually cackled this time, partly in amusement, partly in disbelief.  
  
'- and Potter thought I was trying to be _malicious_?!' He was sitting up on his bed now, face full of righteous indignation. 'Well, I never -'  
  
Immediately sensing an impending Rant that Blaise was in no mood to indulge in, he hastily interjected, 'It's understandable that she's a bit shocked, of course. It's her first time seeing you making any attempts to, er, be civil to Ron Weasley, after all. Just ... keep being friendly to him, Draco, and soon she'll realise there is more to it than she thinks.'  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief when Draco visibly calmed down as he pondered Blaise' advice. When the peaceful silence continued, he smiled and stood up to prepare for bed.  
  
Draco, however, was not entirely satisfied yet. He remained as he was, thinking. He knew their plan was still in its early stages, but that Hariah Potter was still not giving him the benefit of the doubt was bothering him. He could not afford to waste the whole day tomorrow away from Potter - and Weasley - while they settle back into normal routine under the misguided notion that nothing had changed between them and Draco Malfoy.  
  
Oh no, he was not going to let that happen.   
  
Which was why when they entered the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning, Draco stalked right past the Slytherin table with single-minded purpose. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Blaise falter and then slowly follow him like Draco had known he would. Satisfied, he strode past the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, heading directly towards the Gryffindor table. Or more accurately, towards a certain pair of Gryffindors, whose presence he had sought immediately upon entering the Hall.  
  
His lips curled into a smirk when he saw his approach had clearly been noticed. It widened even more when he saw the expressions on their faces.  
  
Oh yes, this dally was going to be quite entertaining.  
  


* * *

  
Harry was aware of her jaw slackening - like Ron - as she watched Malfoy's cocksure approach with mounting disbelief. The three of them were not the only ones to have noticed him, either. Heads were turning down the adjacent tables of Gryffindor and Hufflepuff as students realised there was an obtruder in their midst. It was rare enough for a Slytherin to wander over, but that Slytherin being Draco Malfoy of all people - silence, infused with curious whispers, followed in his wake.   
  
The whispers broke out into excited muttering as Malfoy, with supreme indifference to the attention he was drawing, unceremoniously planted himself right between Ron and Hermione. Ignoring the latter, who had been forced to hastily scoot aside to make room for him, Malfoy turned to the incredulous person on his right and cheerfully said,  
  
'Good morning, _Ron_. Feeling well today?'  
  
Nobody replied. Ron looked lost for words, Hermione was trying to peer over Malfoy's shoulder in concern, and Harry - she had abruptly realised that Malfoy was not the only Slytherin to have joined them. Someone settled into the empty spot to her left and she looked round distractedly only to be met with the friendly smile of her unexpected Charms partner from yesterday.  
  
She was beginning to sense a pattern here.  
  
'Hello,' Blaise Zabini greeted her pleasantly, as if he had been joining Harry for meals every day. Looking quite unconcerned with the situation he and Malfoy had placed the three Gryffindors in, he reached past Harry - who had to lean back uncomfortably - for a pot of tea.  
  
Meanwhile, Malfoy had yet to divert his focus from Ron, who looked flummoxed. When there was no reply forthcoming, Malfoy smirked and grabbed a piece of toast, saying airily,  
  
'You know that silence equals yes? So, I take it that you are doing well -'  
  
'What the bloody hell are you doing here, Malfoy?' Ron burst out, face darkening into a suspicious frown as he got over his initial disbelief.  
  
'It's breakfast time, what do you think?' Malfoy shrugged as he took another bite of his toast, but his eyes were gleaming with glee.   
  
'I think Ron means, why are you having breakfast here, with _us_?' Harry finally spoke up, watching the blond with narrowed eyes. She was about to outright ask why he had been approaching them at all since the end of Potions yesterday, but Malfoy spoke first,  
  
'Flitwick said we'll be practising the Mood-Maker Charm all week.' He threw a disarmingly smug grin at Ron. 'And he did mention we'd improve best if we stuck with the same partner.'  
  
Ron's eyes were like saucers. 'He did _not_ say that!' he hissed.  
  
'Of course, he did, were you not listening?' returned Malfoy flippantly.  
  
'And practising the Mood-Maker involves eating breakfast with your partner? And that, too, on a day without Charms?' said Harry sardonically, folding her arms on the table. Beside her, Zabini chuckled under his breath as he sipped his tea.  
  
'A partnership _is_ better off with more positive interaction, wouldn't you agree?' Malfoy grinned light-heartedly at said partner as he finished off his toast.  
  
Ron's frown had deepened and the sarcasm in his voice matched Harry's as he growled, 'You put on this stupid dramatic spectacle just to be partners during Charms?' He waved his arm in a gesture encompassing the Great Hall.   
  
A quick glance showed Harry that the majority of the student body was still looking their way, whispering among themselves. The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs in their vicinity were clearly listening in on their strange conversation, while several teachers were eyeing them, too, no doubt on standby for a possible Gryffindor-Slytherin stand-off. Harry thought Professor McGonagall looked even sterner than usual, though she had made no move to leave the Headmistress' seat. Yet.  
  
'Pretty much,' Malfoy answered Ron without bothering to look around himself.  
  
'I'm not buying that crap. Why the bloody hell are you actually here?'  
  
'I just said, didn't I? Go clean out your ears, Wea -' Malfoy paused and then took a deep breath.  
  
'Well, I never said I wanted to be your partner,' snapped Ron, hands balling into fists. Harry saw that his ears were as red as his hair now.  
  
'Too bad. We're stuck together now, aren't we?'  
  
'Piss off! I'm not partnering with _you_ again.'  
  
Malfoy chuckled low in his throat, his grey eyes glinting. 'Oh, but _I'm_ not done with you yet, _Ron_ ,' he intoned in a voice full of promise, and silence fell over the three Gryffindors at once.   
  
Zabini choked on his tea.  
  
With a supreme smirk, Malfoy swiped a sausage off Ron's plate and stood up to leave.  
  
'What the hell are you up to, Malfoy?' asked Ron. His voice was lower and laced with confusion as he watched the two Slytherins leave the benches. 'All that crap since yesterday - what are you really after?'  
  
His answer was an infuriating grin thrown over a shoulder, accompanied with the goading words, 'Oh, I'm sure you'll have plenty of fun thinking on that. See you in class, partner.'  
  
With that, Malfoy sauntered away, nibbling at the stolen sausage and simply exuding self-satisfaction. Zabini followed from the other side of the Gryffindor table and Harry saw that he was shaking his head to himself.  
  


* * *

  
'Proud of yourself, aren't you?' drawled Blaise as they left the Great Hall, which was still abuzz.   
  
Draco just smirked and popped the last of the sausage into his mouth. As they began to head up the marble staircase, he caught sight of Blaise opening his mouth to speak and then snap it shut again.   
  
'What is it, Blaise?'  
  
'Nothing. It's just ...' he added quickly when Draco threw him a pointed look. 'You were quite loud back there, Draco. I'm sure several people overheard you.'  
  
'Oh, I know.' Draco relaxed into a grin. 'Isn't that a good thing? When more people see I'm trying to get along with Weasley ... that will get Potter's clogs turning even more, right?'  
  
Blaise did not reply, but Draco did not notice the pensive look that crossed his face.  
  
'Speaking of whom,' he continued more enthusiastically as they reached the first floor, 'this thing is definitely working on Potter! The woman finally spoke to me! And she didn't even shout.'  
  
'Miraculous. But she was being sarcastic,' Blaise could not help pointing out, amused. Seeing the frown on Draco's face, he rushed to add lest Draco got needlessly worked up again, 'But as we were saying last night, Potter's reaction is understandable for now. In the future...'  
  
'Yes, yes, I get it, Blaise,' said Draco impatiently.   
  
'So ...' Blaise peered at the blond. 'You're satisfied for now?'  
  
'It's working out well,' replied Draco with a grin.   
  
'And you're enjoying yourself. Clearly.'  
  
'Weasley's face _is_ surprisingly entertaining.'  
  
'You barely had anything to eat, though,' pointed out Blaise. He made a face. 'And I only had some tea. We should've gone back to our table. Or at least finished breakfast with Potter and her pals.'  
  
'Blaise, please,' Draco sighed deeply and shot him a patronising look. 'I'd just managed to spectacularly get on Weasley and Potter's brains. Making a grand exit then was more important than filling your bottomless pit of a stomach.'  
  
Familiar as he already was with the Malfoy's dramatic flair for theatrics, Blaise merely concealed an eye-roll as they headed towards their Arithmancy class. He could only hope that the tiny little issue that had been niggling at him since they left the Great Hall would remain as that: a tiny little issue.  
  
Else everything would backfire in Draco's face.  
  
In fact, Blaise mused to himself as he side-eyed his friend, he was not sure whether Draco even realised that he might have created a tiny little issue back at the Gryffindor table.  
  
 _He's getting too into this._  
  


* * *

  
Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other, speechless, after Malfoy and Zabini had disappeared through the double doors of the Great Hall. The whispers and mutters had fallen into a momentary lull, and Harry was distinctly aware of students turning around to stare at her and her friends instead, anticipating their reactions.  
  
'Well,' began Hermione, scooting to occupy the vacated spot next to Ron again. The three of them gazed from one to the other for a long moment, trying to string together scrambled thoughts into coherent reasoning, but before any of them succeeded -   
  
'Is it just me ...' began someone none too quietly, and Harry looked down the Gryffindor table to see Seamus Finnegan watching Ron with an odd mix of mirth and perplexity.  
  
'It's just you,' muttered Dean Thomas across from him, but Seamus continued without missing a beat, his voice like a cannon,  
  
'... or is anyone else getting the vibe that Malfoy's gay for Ron?'  
  
A moment - an eternity - of dead silence met his words. And then the Gryffindor table erupted.  
  
With a breathless chuckle, Harry shook her head incredulously at Seamus. Meanwhile, students around them had broken into laughter, gasps, whooping and gossip as Seamus Finnegan's unexpected theory was carried forward to all corners of the Great Hall in a mass domino effect.   
  
Ron looked gobsmacked. Mouth hanging open, he gaped at his dorm mate.   
  
'Draco Malfoy? Liking Ron?' said Neville Longbottom, who was seated next to Dean. He looked torn between horror and laughter.  
  
'Yeah, come off it, mate.' Dean rolled his eyes at Seamus, ignoring the excitement around them.   
  
'Malfoy said he _ain't done_ with Ron yet. If that doesn't scream he wants to get off with him, I dunno what does,' Seamus said stubbornly.  
  
Harry looked over at Ron and had to bite down on her lip when she saw the look on his face.   
  
'And since when does he call you Ron?' Seamus continued, peering almost maniacally at Ron.  
  
Ron finally came back to his senses. 'That's mental, Seamus. You're all mental,' he added, glancing at his clamouring peers. Grinning faces looked back at him.  
  
'What he said,' agreed Dean.  
  
Seamus paused, mock-frowning. 'Yeah? Well ... he did eat Ron's sausage.'  
  
'SEAMUS!'  
  
Giving up self-control, Harry buried her face in one hand and laughed, listening to Seamus and the others guffaw in glee.   
  
Ron glared at her, betrayed. 'You're supposed to be on my side,' he complained.  
  
'I am,' Harry chortled, 'but, ah ... maybe Seamus has a point, don't you think?'   
  
'Harry,' Ron growled.  
  
'You don't think Malfoy harassed you for all these years because he secretly likes you, do you?' Harry could not help saying, nearly choking on her giggles.  
  
'Well, then, by those standards, he must've been bloody in _love_ with you,' Ron shot back with a huff.  
  
Harry shut up at once.   
  
That was when Hermione abruptly got to her feet. Putting down her water goblet with more force than necessary, she gathered up her bag, tight-lipped.  
  
'Hermione?' asked Harry slowly.  
  
'Arithmancy,' was the curt reply before Hermione stalked away.   
  
Harry and Ron looked curiously after her, distracted from the hysterics of their friends by the sudden change in Hermione's demeanour. As she watched Hermione nearly storm out of the Great Hall, it occurred to Harry that Hermione had been the only one who had not reacted to, and remained eerily silent after, Seamus' outrageous theory.  
  


* * *

 

In hindsight, Draco should have sensed the danger.  
  
After all, he had noticed Granger glaring at him over her shoulder with eyes that could have frozen the Great Lake ten times over during their Arithmancy period.   
  
The first time he had caught her eyes across the classroom, he looked back coolly for a few seconds and turned back to Professor Vector's lecture. He had almost fallen back into his old reflex of sneering at her, but checked himself with the swift reminder that he was currently on a noble quest to prove to Hariah Potter that he can be civil to her friends. It had been a close call, though.  
  
The second time he had noticed Granger, who he could have sworn looked like she was trying to separate his head from his neck with the force of her eyes alone, he did a double take. While stink eye exchanges between him and Potter's friends had been a daily routine in their previous years, it was unusual for Granger to initiate it. Especially without a reason.   
  
Not one he could think of anyway. Except maybe teasing Weasley during breakfast earlier, but then again, Blaise had said - _nagged_ , several times - that Potter's suspicions towards Draco would not be alleviated this early in the game, and Draco had half-heartedly projected that reasoning onto Granger as well.   
  
He had not spared her another speck of attention after that. He had more important thoughts on his mind, most of them revolving around Potter and Weasley (with a few around the lesson in progress; he did like Arithmancy and Professor Vector was quite strict).  
  
When the bell rang signalling their first break, Draco hurried right past Granger with Blaise, eager to discuss some ideas he had for the next day.   
  
'Blaise,' he said enthusiastically, after dragging his friend over to the next corridor which had relatively fewer students walking about. 'I was thinking about what to do during double Transfiguration and Charms tomorrow -'  
  
'About Weasley again?' asked Blaise, eyebrows raised.   
  
'What else?' said Draco in a voice stating the obvious. 'I'm all set for Charms, of course, but Transfiguration will be tricky. We don't have partner or group work yet, and McGonagall won't let me get away with much unlike Flitwick -'  
  
'Draco!' Blaise cut across him, a hint of exasperation leaking into his voice.   
  
'What?'  
  
'You need to slow down.'  
  
'What do y-'  
  
'You're getting carried away.'  
  
'With what?' Draco huffed indignantly.  
  
'With trying to get into Weasley's pants, as how some people would say,' said Blaise, rolling his eyes. 'Tone it dow-'  
  
'It's true?' a voice interrupted them. 'You're trying to get off with him?'  
  
The two Slytherins looked round, startled, to see Hermione Granger, calm and expressionless, bearing down on them. Only the fire in her eyes and tightening grip around her wand gave away the cold fury she was containing.   
  
Looking right at Draco, she took one step forward.   
  
That was when he finally realised that he had been rather slow on the danger warning uptake.  
  


* * *

  
The rumours spread like fiendfyre through the halls and corridors of Hogwarts, fuelled by eyewitness accounts and reports, until all that the students could talk about by lunch was,  
  
'Did you hear? Hermione Granger punched Draco Malfoy in the face today!'  
  
'She had him by the throat, pinned to the wall!'  
  
'It's true; I saw it with my own eyes! Professor McGonagall actually had to pull her off him!'  
  
'They were fighting over Ron Weasley!'  
  
The most zealous of the gossipers was one Romilda Vane, who excitedly quoted Hermione Granger's (allegedly) exact words to everyone she came across, 'She was pointing her wand right in his face and I swear, she said, "It took me _years_ to finally have him and I'm not about to have him stolen away by the likes of _you_!'  
  
'Wait, so - Malfoy actually does fancy Weasley?'  
  
'Haha! Sweet Merlin, who would've ever thought!'  
  
Lunch found Hariah Potter and Ron Weasley standing in the eye of that whirlwind of rumours. Words failed them. As the information finally sunk in, they looked at each other in unison and Ron summarised the mayhem in just two words:  
  
'Bloody hell!'


End file.
